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Day 167: Provisions for the Home Stretch

January 21, 2011

My goal for the weeks leading up to the Super Bowl is to remain oblivious to the participants.

My goal for the days following is to avoid discovering a winner, score, or MVP.

The steps I’ve taken so far in the Year Without Football need to be amplified even further to accomplish this.  I plan on taking a pretty drastic step in restricting Facebook viewing all together.  I had anticipated limiting Facebook status access from certain blocks of people: those in the sports and media industries (accounting for 31% of my Facebook acquaintances), those from the New York area anticipating a Jets victory (just over 20%) and college or local friends who have exhibited football-status tendencies (another 13%).  After taking this informal inventory of interpersonal relationships, I discovered that a full 36% of my online connections are people I rarely see post, haven’t heard from in years, or simply “doubles” in cases where the person has abandoned one account in favor of another.  I couldn’t risk the potential for a “sleeper agent” in that 36%.  Starting tomorrow, at 11:59pm, I’m off of Facebook and Twitter until 2pm February 7th.

Why that time on the day after the Super Bowl?  Faceoff for the annual New England masochistic rite of post-secondary passage: the Beanpot Tournament.

Once I make it to Beanpot Monday, I’m homefree from football.

I’m also handing over control of the remote to Melissa; in an unprecedented move, I will willfully cede any objections to programming.  Sure, it’s a goodwill gesture to a pregnant wife who’s been an incredible motivator.  It’s a shrewd investment: I know she won’t go anywhere near mention of the Super Bowl because her station is carrying the game itself (prepare for cross-promotion overload!).  I will suffer the necessary penance of  innumerous showings of “House Hunters” and “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant/Dead/in a Toddler Pageant” in order to make it through this difficult season.

I’ll still be able to receive messages through the online outlets but due to my personal connections to the fanbases of the potential matchups, I’ll have to pull back into digital seclusion for the better part of two weeks.  I’m eager to watch others mired in Super Bowl hype, and I don’t mind saying that I absolutely won’t miss the annual inanities that the extra bye week brings.  No “Video Game Simulation to See Who Will Win” for me this year.  No “Random Spanish-Language Costumed Correspondent at Media Day.”  No “See the Commercials BEFORE the Big Game!”  No “7-Hour Pre-Game Show starring Meaningless B-Team Broadcaster Awards, Performance by Anonymous Teeny-Bop Singer and Battered 70s Act, Low Info Reports from the Team Hotel, and Generic and Kinda Insulting Salute to the Troops!”

The question remains, however, what to do on Super Bowl Sunday itself?  I’d hate to waste a National Couch Potato Day on the computer or on XBox Live.  I mentioned to KBAK in an interview that I might visit Disneyland, but I’m not sure that my pregnant wife would be perceptive to a 5-hour round-trip drive with a full day of walking to rides she can’t enjoy.

What to do…?  Please feel free to send me any suggestions.



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